Wednesday, May 04, 2005

One woman and her conscious!

I was planning a post about the presidential election campaign, but decided against it. Regardless of who wins this election and whether or not this Islamic regime manages to sustain itself in power, we Iranians will continue to be the Iranians we've always been. So, I though I should offer you a glimpse of yet another one of our many dirty secrets.

Although I've come to think it (even more) essential to respect other people's privacy living in the Land of the Meddlesome, I thought it appropriate to make an exception tonight. My friend N was good enough to direct my attention to a short (Farsi) piece by one of our more spirited ("feminist") bloggers which I thought way too delicious to keep to ourselves.

So here you go. A simple, quick translation for your reading pleasure! I will have more to say on this text and some of our (more asinine) prevailing sexual mores and practices soon. I'd like to thank N for her considerable editorial interventions and guidance. I also owe her a debt of gratitude for drawing my attention to yet another interesting piece.


"Zeitoon Joon, since you normally spill your guts out--the dope [that] you are, why couldn't you tell him about this one and get it over with." (this is what my conscience said to me)

"'but this one isn't important "(this is me answering my conscience)

"What do you mean it is not important? After all, you've accepted him as your husband and you say you love him. He should know about this secret of yours too"

"Oh brother!(in Persian Ey Baba—Daddy) Quit being more catholic than the pope. He has made his peace with these sorts of issues. He is the most enlightened [literally "intellectual"] man I have seen in my life.

"Careful, careful! Iranian men and enlightenment? You're such a dope! [talking is one thing, though] in deeds, they are more ghereirati [jealous and possessive] than Shemr" [one of the villains of the Karbala butchery]

{such an uneducated" conscience! Was Shemr the personification of ruthlessness or obduracy?}

"Wouldn't it be too gossipy to tell him about every little detail? He's going to find out on his own after the wedding."

"Say it: on the wedding night!"

"Not exactly! We have agreed to live as friends together for a month in separate bedrooms."
"Dummy! He has claimed as much and you believed him?"

"He is different from everyone else. He is so decent. Surely he will understand me."

"Blah blah blah (she is making fun of me now) He'll understand me. He'll understand me. These things are so important for men. Particularly for Iranian men. If you are not going to tell him, at least trick him and pretend that you are not that way."

"I am not in the hustling business. Go away now. I've lost patience for you."

"Your business! But after he beds you on that first night and ends up loathing you, don't tell me I didn't warn you."

"Well what am I supposed to do? As much as I feel hot during the days and roam around naked, as soon as I lay down at nights, I freeze and my blood pressure plummets. I have to wear a bunch of clothes and cover myself with two or three blankets! In both winter and summer I have to wear socks. Recently I've taken to sleeping with my jacket on or else I can't fall asleep"

"Well I had to tell you ("az ma goftan bood") I'm just afraid he might mistake you for a polar bear."

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